Finding Myself Again
by Whitlock-Girl24
Summary: Bella was outgoing and confident and she didn't take hell from anyone until the Cullen,s came along. After fighting back with Edward she is taken down south with two people and once there she finds herself falling for a demanding yet caring man who insists on being friends, until he can not fight the pull anymore. J/B P/C R/E WARNING: SMUT, DARKSPER
1. Chapter 1

**Bella was confident and outgoing until she met Edward, getting tired of trying to be someone she isn't for him she realises there is somone who is perfect for her but can't have him. yet as they spend time together she finds it harder to resist him but it isnt untill she is in danger that he realises his own fealings.**

**{ A a big thank you to "The Quote Queen" for reading my first chapter and editing it for me :) All rights to characters go to stephanie meyer }**

**this chapter is quite short but i promise to try and make the rest longer ! **

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My name is Bella Swan, and I am a confident and outgoing girl of 18. Well, I used to be. But then I moved to Forks to live with my dad, Charlie Swan, and my sense of self seemed to slip away. I went from being me to a shell, someone who let others tell them how to live and who to be. You may ask yourself why this happened, one word, LOVE. Or what I thought was love anyway. You see I met this "guy" and he was nothing like anyone I ever knew. He was smart and looked like Adonis; he liked classical music and the major thing? He is a vampire.

So when I started dating him I thought I was lucky. I mean, come on! Who wouldn't if a gorgeous guy wanted you? Then I met his family and all seemed great, but bit by little bit, he was changing who I am. Between picking what I eat, then his "sister", a f*** pixie freak decides it is fun to play Bella Barbie.

He is a decent enough guy, when he isn't being controlling and all. He had saved me from being r***, but he was following me... Yet he climbed through my window when I had a nightmare, but then again why was he outside my window anyway... Oh, lord. Fine, I admit it! My boyfriend is a mother f*** stalker.

Which brings me to my current headache; I am standing in the Cullen household watching Edward tell his mum what I would want for dinner and listening to Alice jabber on about the flowery dress she forced on me. I had had enough, what part of a free world and independent thinking did these buffoons not understand?!

"Shut the f*** up! EDWARD, I will eat whatever the f*** I like, OK? And as for this dress, you twitface pixie, I am going to burn it!" I said with a little smile on my face, proud I had got my balls back… well more like screamed, but ah well. I'd had enough, three months this had been going on, three f*** months!


	2. Chapter 2

**ok people so i am sorry that it isnt very detailed and that it might be hard to get into but please hang with me and read :) **

**review with any comments or suggestions :)**

** {thanks to The Quote Queen who is helping me to write this story for you fantastical readers ;) }**

**ALL RIGHTS TO CHARACTERS GO TO STEPHANIE MEYER :P jealous xxx**

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**Bella POV**

Alice looked panicked after my outburst and glanced quickly to Edward, who had a murderous look on his face but I just couldn't take him serious, was he really going to pull a tantrum because I would not let him control me anymore? He really is childish; I may just call him Eddie from now on. I thought to myself with a little smile on my face.

"What do you find funny little girl?! What gives you the right to think you can disrespect me and Ally like that? You are nothing but a blood bank!" Eddie roared at me and if it wasn't for Emmett, who had rushed over and grabbed him, would have ripped my head off by the looks of it. His eyes where pitch black and he was snarling loudly, trying to get to me.

"Excuse me? You are the one having a tantrum. I refuse to be pushed around anymore, I am sick of being a play toy! And not even for fun stuff, you're too stiff to have sex with me, for god's sake, yet you will be a creeper and watch me sleep. GOD! The only reason I put up with it in the beginning is because I was bored, but you used your creepy mind tricks on me and controlled me. Well let me tell you, that all went out the window the second James's venom entered me, so, f*** you, a***!" After my little rant, Eddie just tried even harder to get me but everyone else except the pixie twit looked gobsmacked at what I had revealed to them. And I decided to throw in the final punch, "What, You all didn't know? Then again, if you didn't notice that he feeds off me every night, then why would you? Ha! He thinks I am asleep but nope! Who the hell could sleep through that s***!? F*** this, we're done."  
i noticed Rose glaring at Eddie as Emmet held him back so i went to stand by her. Many people think that she hates me but we had talked a few nights ago and she told me her story, that is when i decided enough was enough with Edworm, she had been trying to warn me off him, i finally listened.

"Isabella"

i glanced up at the sound of my name and realised it was carlisle who had said it and was staring me down with cold eyes, i instinctivly steped back behind Rose as i saw him but then realised what i had done and moved forward. "Yes Carlisle?"

"I will not have you talk that way to a valuable member of my coven, if you think for one MOMENT i will tolerate total disregard to the respect of people better than you then you are wrong missy. just remember how vulnerable you are right now." i heard Esme growl lowly in agreament with her mate as he finished and narrowed my eyes at the pair.

"So you are totally ok with your prodigal son going aroing drinking human blood then ?! what about all your almighty morals about human life you hypocryt. at least i admit i dont give a damn" i said clenching my fists

"Isabella, control your mouth! A young lady does not curse, especially to their superiors." Carlisle snapped. Edward had calmed down and his deadly back eyes had changed back to their nearly red eyes. at the moment they were a hot pink and I almost laughed. A smug glint took over his eyes and he looked back and forth between Carlisle and I. I was just about to snap at Carlisle when Rose spoke up.

"You're right, Carlisle." She said, sincerity in her voice. She raised a hand to her heart. "A young lady should never curse in front of or at a superior." Her voice went cold. "Fortunately, Bella did not curse at her superior. She cursed at a backstabbing, hypocrite who plays favorites with his 'family' and thinks that he is a god, just because he never killed a human. Well, guess what? Edward may not have killed Bella, but I'm sure he came close. And you, Esme, like the brainwashed idiot you are, just turned a blind eye to it. You are all so hard on Jasper, but since Edward is the "Golden Child" he just gets to go about his business-" She was cut off by Eddie.

"Rosalie, I am better than Jasper and you know it, so stop being a B-word and grow up." as soon as the sentence was out of his mouth, an extremely loud clash echoed through the room. Rose stood in front of Eddie, fuming. His face was cracked in many places, but the main focus was is cheek. It looked like black spider webs had clung to his face.

"Really, Edward? A "B-word"? Are you f*** kidding me? And you're trying to tell me to grow up!?" she laughed hysterically and pionted at him talking almost airily calm, "you are and always will be a spioled chiled, a brat."

Carlisle steped forward and grabbed her arm pushing her away from his favored son while growling loudly "You or your Bafoon of a Husband are no longer welcome in this Coven. i suggest if you want Isobella to live then she leave with you, i will not make the warning twice so make the departure quick and if i do see you again on my territory i will rip that pretty head from your body." With that Rosalie picked up Bella and ran her out to her Red jeep that was on the front lawn and after getting Bella strapped in started to drive off quickly and within minutes they where at bellas house and she was packing the stuff she wanted like her laptop and ipod along with some clothes she left charlie a note explaining how she was going on a road trip for a while. knowing fulll well she could never come back. All because an egocentric maniac Teen Vamp decided he found her amusing to play with and tasty. After Emmet met them outside her fathers house they took off again in the direction of seatle. She told Rose they may as well go south when she was asked where she would like to go and so they headed down towards South America.

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**thats the second chapter everyone ! hope you like it and review with your comments :)! how did you like a fiesty bella ? and what about Carlisle!? **

** Jasper will be mentioned in the next chapter if not seen so dont worry i have not forgotten him ;)**


	3. Chapter 3

BIG THANKS TO THE QUOTE QUEEN ! 


	4. Chapter 4

review, review,  
review. That is the best way to let me know weather or not you like my story, have any ideas, etc.  
Otherwise I might have a bunch of confused readers, which I will be completely ignorant of the fact. I do not want that. Tell me what you like, what you don't particularly like be so that I might be able to change it in the future or at least not not make the same mistake again. What you would like to see happen or not. This story is being written for fun but it is for you all not for me.

Thanks to The Quote Queen for her awesome input! All rights go to Stephanie Meyer ( so jealous :' )  
_

Bella POV

We decide to stay a few nights in a hotel on the outskirts of Phoenix as I was nervous about meeting two unfamiliar Vampires. I was also not looking forward to seeing Jasper again. How was I meant to face him when I was the reason he is not allowed with hi mate? His coven? I mean, yes I don't think him and Alice are really meant for eachother but obviously he loves her. Maybe I should just ask Rose to change me and then go away and find a life of my own. That seems like a good plan. Pluss I can just Rip Edward apart if I ever see him again. I will ask when her and emmet get back, they are having Their first "human" hunt. It was funny how excited they were, when I said I was perfectly fine with them hunting humans. It was like kids on Christmas, Emmett's grin almost splitting his face and Rosalie's smirk. I knew Rose was changed after she was raped by her fianc e, so hunting down the scum of humanity would be particularly fulfilling for her. I heard the door open then lots of loud laughter filled the hotel room. Emmett. The couple came down the small hallway that led to the main bedroom/living room area. Not only where their eyes a beautiful scarlet, but they looked happy and healthy. Rosalie's bright red eyes complemented her platinum blond hair well and Emmett just looked like he was having the time of his life, his laughter still filling the small room at full volume

"hey izzy! Oh my Lord that was amazing icant believe how full I feel ! All these years I have been walking around, still thirsty after even a weekends hunt. Now I feel alive, rejuvenated..." Rose beamed at me and came running to hug me and spin me around. I giggled liking the new her.

"Great! I can't wait to hunt with you guys" I say happily thinking it is best to just get it out there and see how they would react. I knew that Emmet wouldn't care, but Rose will probably wonder why I would throw my life away just like. That. So like I expected she froze up and placed me down on the floor standing away to face me, I just stared her in the eyes to show how serious I was.

"i- Izzy how do you expect to join us? We could kill you ! I hope you don't mean for one of us to change you because that would probably end in your death too."

" I trust you Rose, I know you can do it. I need this, I want to be ablle to defend myself, I want to have Emmy as my big brother and you as my best friend. I have thought ths through Rose" OK so maybe that wasn't the whole truth but I didn't want to tell her I might go off and leave. How would that help me?

"what about Charlie? Children?" She said in a quiet voice I almost missed it

"Charlie will be fine, he thinks I have gone away and I can just phone him once in a while. As for children, I have never wanted them, and even if I do want a child,, I am willing to give it up for freedom. Do you honestly think that Edward will leave me alone? My mind is silent and I am his singer. He will hunt me down." with that last statement she nodded and looked to Emmet for his opinion and advice on the matter. "If that's what you really want, Bella Bean, then I won't deny you. I just want to make sure you know what you are asking for." Emmett said. The amusement he first came in with was all but forgotten, and his face was serious.

"I know what I want, Emmy. I never wanted children very much in the first place, and any human experience you think I would be missing, is not worth waiting in fear for Him to come." I said,  
looking him in the eye.

"Now, the only question is, before or after we go meet with Pete, Char, and Jazz?" Emmett said, smiling at me .  
"I say after. With all their experience with newborns, they would be a lot of help after you wake up." Rose said, her tone held resignation but also excitement and hope.

"But what about Psych Pixie. Wont she already have seen this? I mean, I made the decision a while ago to ask you. They might be on their way right now to stop to you guys from 'damning my soul'." I rolled my eyes.

"Well, that's true, but if we stay here that gives them more time to catch up."  
Emmett pointed out.

"Well then don't stay here. Sure, you can bite me here, but then you can travel to rest of the way to Jasper's and, that way,  
it'll take less time." I said smiling broadly, glad that I was going to finally become a Vampire, join the world of immortal beings and be able to basically kick ass.

After we had talked Rose said she wanted to watch Chic Flicks and Veg out Forr the night before she bites me. So I rang room service and orded salt and pepper chickken and chips with poppcorn and a chocolate cake. Film night and a big munch sounded really good right now. So while I waited for the food I decided to to change into my super comfy cat onesie. At about 2:30 am I fell asleep, only to have Rose wake me at 6.  
"Bella, wake up. We have to get going." I nodded and went to get ready. If I was going to die I might as well look good doing it. Once I was showered and dressed, I went out to main room where Rose and Emmett where standing with the few bag we had. It was silent as we got down to the car and got in. Rosalie sat in the back with me, while Emmett sat in the front by himself.  
"I'm sorry for this." Rose said as she lifted my wrist to her mouth and bit down.

Well that's the chapter ! Hope you liked it guys and remember, review ! Like ! And follow ! The more people do this the more I know it is wanted :) have great day/night xx 


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